The Blessings of Autism: The Rainbow after the Rain

I had a meeting today with Jacob's teacher.  We do this periodically to discuss Jacob's progress, any issues she's having with him in class and to brainstorm ways to keep him challenged and engaged.  Have I mentioned before how much we love his teacher?  There's a reason she earned a HUGE bath pamper basket from me this Christmas complete with a bottle of wine!  As we were chatting, she was commenting on Jacob's higher level of thinking.  Evidently, this week, the number of the week is 18. So everyone in the class was to write a way of making 18 and turn it in for a morning assignment.  While most kids were drawing 18 circles or apples, Jacob wrote out a word problem.  His sheet said, "I have one dime and eight pennies.  That makes 18 cents."  Lauren is studying money right now, and he's such a sponge for knowledge, we let him watch her currency lesson.  Evidently, it stuck!  It really got me to thinking though how the idiosyncrasies that landed Jacob on the spectrum have also blessed us as well.  SO, this week, I'm going to focus on all the great things in our life brought to us by Jacob's ASD diagnosis!

1.  A SUPER human thirst for knowledge

Jacob is an exceptional learner.  His brain soaks up and recalls information like you wouldn't believe. He taught himself the concept of multiplication when he was four.  Our first clue he was an exceptional learner was when in preschool, he would correct his sister's first grade homework.  He adds in his head, no fingers, even double digit numbers.  His vocabulary is expansive.  Most people who meet Jacob say they love him because he's so tiny and sweet, but he speaks just like any grown adult man would.  He sees the world around him and he is desperate to understand how it works.  When we went to the fair last year, all the other kids were enjoying the rides and Jacob was watching the gears trying to understand how the ride functioned!  He asks how rockets work, why are clouds different shapes, why do birds have to flap wings, but planes are able to fly with straight wings.  I fight every urge to simply reply, "Because that's how God made it" and find the real answer for him.  He trusts me to help him explore the world and Andrew and I take that job very seriously.

Jacob loves learning so much, about everything in life.  His favorite books are non-fictions.  He'll even tell you he knows the difference between fiction and non-fiction and there's no point in reading fiction because it doesn't teach you anything.  Sometimes, we're lucky enough to find learning experiences that allow him to both learn and engage the environment.  We've booked learning experiences for birthday parties and make aquariums and museums a regular part of our vacationing experience.

Jacob challenges me constantly to continue life as a student.  He's always learning, so I have to be as well.  He is one of the most gifted readers in his grade and he reads purely for pleasure.  Often, we'll find him curled up with a book in the corner of his loft bed or the recliner.  It makes me wonder some days what the future holds for him.  Will he be a scientist?  A doctor?  If you ask him, he'll be God or the Flash. He says those are the best jobs in the world.

2.  Jacob is an EXCELLENT character judge.

I've never met a single autistic child who isn't an EXCELLENT judge of character. If you come into my home, and Jacob doesn't like you, you may as well walk right out.  He can tell immediately if you're a good person or not. That being said, trusting you to care for him alone and determining whether or not you're a good person are two different things.  Jacob has a very high requirement for those he trusts to care for him.  While he has a penchant for cute blondes, he picks up little clues in the way people speak and carry themselves.  Although he can't tell me WHY he feels a certain way about a person, he can tell me if he likes them or not and if he's ok being alone with them.  My standards are higher even than his.  BUT I can always gauge new people off Jacob's reaction.  If he speaks to them, we're golden.  If he allows them to touch him, we will love you forever.

Jacob's teacher is an excellent example of this.  The day he started Kindergarten, his teacher welcomed him and it was love at first sight.  She has an uncanny ability I rarely see to calm him when he's starting a meltdown.  She can neutralize most issues for him.  She notices even the slightest stimming activity.  She tells me sometimes he'll call her to his desk to tell her he loves her and wants to hold her hand.  I absolutely love the fact she will stand there holding his hand while watching the rest of the class.  He knew from the moment he met her, she would take care of him.  She loves him almost as much as his mama does. Without a single word, they were partners on the journey.

3.  We have a special relationship

I'm the first to admit, before Jacob's diagnosis, I was a bad mom.  I worked ALL the time. I rarely saw him or Lauren.  I loved my children, but never showed it with my presence.  Jacob's diagnosis rocked my world off its axis.  I was terrified and did the only thing I knew how to do.  My natural instincts kicked in and I became his advocate.  I took him to every doctors appointment and therapy session.  I implemented everything in our home; I changed our diets to see if that would help; and I learned how to handle his meltdowns and diffuse him.  As a result of my efforts, not only did we see an improvement in Jacob's condition, but a relationship blossomed between Jacob and I.  I am the person he trusts most in the world.  I am the one he can not sleep without kissing.  When he's hurt he calls my name.  When he's upset, he looks for me.  This exceptional child. who in all likely hood will one day change the world, thinks I'm the most important person on Earth.  When he looks at me, I can see he trusts me unconditionally, love me: unconditionally.

I've had many friends tell me they're "sorry" when they hear about Jacob.  Many are "sorry" I have to go through this.  Honestly, while raising a child on the autism spectrum isn't easy, we have it better than most.  Jacob is verbal.  He's so high functioning, he'll be able to care for himself someday and live pretty "normal" life.  We have it better than most other ASD moms I know.  But when we have a rough spell and I find myself feeling sorry for myself, I try to think of all the blessings in our lives because of Jacob's autism.  While I wish he would have the life of a normal developing child, maybe that would be easier; I can't be sorry for his condition.  It downplays everything amazing about my son that's linked to the spectrum.  Instead, I'll cherish his idiosyncrasies.  And thank God for opening my eyes, even if it took a diagnosis.  Jacob is the reason I'm proud of the kind of mother I am.  He made me the mother I am.  Jacob is a one of a kind child.  All children are. But to mothers who hear that dreaded diagnosis and see all the rain storm ahead: just know there's a rainbow there too.  I hope you always remember to find it.